A House is Not A Home

Artist: Luther Vandross
Album: Never Too Much, Best Of Luther Vandross…The Best Of Love
Words & Music: by Hal David, Burt Bacharach & Tony Esposito 

“A House is Not a Home.” I love that song; it has always been one of my favorites for many years now. I remember the first time I saw Luther Vandross perform that song live. I was attending California State University at Long Beach where some friends and I decided to attend the Commodores Farewell concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Griffith Park Los Angeles.

Most of the people where there to see Lionel Ritchie and the Commodores. The opening act was this relatively unknown singer from nowhere who had a song climbing the charts called “Never Too Much.” “One thousands kisses for you is never too much, never too much, never too much! I just don’t want to stop!” He sang out in a smooth and very powerful voice. It was an incredible R& B performance. I almost forgot whom I really came to see and the best was yet to come.

Right before Sunset he finished what I naively thought was his last song and left the stage. After thundering round of applause and lots of cheering her returned to the stage for his encore performance. As the sun began to slowly set, Luther began to sing,

Luther almost literally stole the show. Somehow, Lionel Ritchie and the Commodores managed to come to the stage and put on an exceptional performance. Overall the show was a memorable experience for me. What an unforgettable evening and experience. To this day it was one of the most incredible performances that I had ever experienced in such an unbelievably breath taking setting!

Although I enjoyed the entire concert, that one song inspired me the most. I was moved not only by the performance, but by the lyrics as well. The writers of this song captured an idea that is relevant to everyone, the importance of knowing the difference between a house and a home. Fortunately for me, I grew up in a very comfortable home.

This is my fourth day back in California and it has been challenging for me to adjust to being back here in San Jose. The major challenge is being without the person that I love, even if it is only for a couple of weeks. The phone calls and chatting online is just not the same as holding the person that I love in my arms! My apartment (my house) here is no longer a home for me.

(I also miss my friends and the interesting life that I have developed in the Tokyo area.)

The other major challenge for me has been adjusting to the time difference. There is a 15-hour time difference between the west coast o California and Japan in addition to my social life here. I learned along time ago when I first went away to attend my undergraduate university that it is almost impossible to live in two places at once. So I have focused most of my attention to living in Tokyo at the expense of San Jose. Still, this is not an excuse for me to not find away to enjoy my life here in San Jose.

Fortunately, one of the good things about being back here in California is that I will have an opportunity to share some time with my family and friends here!  Also, the weather here has been incredibly beautiful, it is cool in the mornings, warm to hot during the day and cooling off again in the evening. I have to find away to adjust to the time difference here, so I can continue to enjoy each and every precious moment of my life.

I received a call from a friend of mine today and it reminded me of this song. We met while I was attending graduate school at San Jose State University and have managed to keep in touch for almost 10 years now. She is one of the few people I consider to be a very close friend.  So even though I had only been a sleep for about two hours after being up all night with jetlag, I took her call.

She said that things had been very challenging for her over the past few months in her marriage. That she and her husband have drifted further apart and that she wanted to somehow say her marriage. We talked about her life and some of the things that she has experienced and I thought about this song, “A House is Not a Home.” Especially this part of the song

They bought a house a few years ago in this very nice area of the city. It is furnished well and the lawns are nicely manicured. They seem like an ideal couple from the outside, but they were already drifting apart before they purchased their house. So I wondered, was their house ever really a home for them? I also wondered whether or not it was possible to turn a house into a home.

Since I live in a world where I believe everything is possible, my answer is yes of course you can turn a house into a home.

Since I believe that everything begins with unconditional self-love love, it is a good starting point. Without self-love, there is no true love. I believe that we have to be the most important people in our own life and do everything we can to make ourselves happy first. We have to make choices that are in our best interests.  It is at that point that we have the capacity to give more in our relationships with others. Sure, I know that being in a relationship involves compromises at times, but not at the expense of our character.